# 14 The Weight of War

If I were a soldier in Lieutenant Jimmy Cross’s unit I would carry several items. The first and most important item would be my bible. I would carry the bible as a source of strength and encouragement in the face of my self-doubts and fears amid the depressing atmosphere of war. When I would lose a fellow soldier, I’d turn the page to a scripture and bid them farewell with the sweet words of God’s glory. Once the ever present feeling of despair would finally overtake my weak and feeble mind, I would look to my bible for ways in which to refill my thoughts with encouragement and uplifting phrases. The second item I’d carry would be a small scented candle. I’d pick one that smelled like fresh baked cookies or apple pie. I’d carry the candle to remind me of home and the many loved ones that I’d be fighting for back there. The pie or cookie scent would remind me of the Holiday seasons when, for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, all my family would get together to celebrate. I’d want to think back to a time like this, when everyone was together, so that I could remember the people I loved at their best moments, when everyone at least tried to set aside their differences and put on a happy face. The candle smells would excite memories of Grandma’s flour covered apron, long dining room tables, homes filled with bustling conversation and laughter, and hours spent hanging lavish holiday decorations. My final and most certainly heaviest item would the animosity I would carry for defending a country that up until recently counted me as less than a human being. Every time I would crawl out of my foxhole, I’d do so with oozing bitterness at the fact that I, an African American, would be seen as expendable to my fellow soldiers, superiors, and nation. My resentment would be especially heavy when I would be given the lesser quality rifles and weapons because I was black and when I’d be deemed the person to explore the extremely dangerous territories ahead of my unit  because the loss of my life was less valuable than that of a white soldier. This resentment would surely be the heaviest.